My wife and I are both fans of the dramatics.

A really great situation happened this last week. Actually its an unfortunate situation that spun into a dramatically great situation that I’m going to possibly* blow your mind with today. First let me introduce you to my wife. She’s an amazing student, wife, daughter, dog parent who is the spitting definition of excellence. She is also a huge Backstreet Boys fan, which is why I drew her below wearing a pink BSB shirt with one of the goofy dudes pasted on there:
Because of my art skills are shaky at best and drawing hair is hard, we’ll assume that Sara here just got out of a Backstreet Boys concert, and she loved it.
Now here is my wife outside on a perfectly beautiful day, nothing is wrong and all is well. There’s birds flying, flower blooming and a perfectly good looking tree everywhere you go. How about that.
In this instance my wife decided to go visit a friend in town by riding my bike. I know this because she gave me a quick call while she was on her way, and during the call she presumably fell. Here’s a quick lesson to all the kids reading out there:

Don’t ride your bike and talk on cell phones. 

Sara then got off the phone with me, fairly quickly I might add, leading me to believe that there was little damage done. So I immediately went back to my work and basically thought nothing of it.
I got off of work, sent Sara a quick text, went home, ate dinner, and went to my baseball game. I heard nothing from Sara during this time, so my assumption was that she was either perfectly fine or dead. Because both of those outcomes leave me with very little in my power to do anything about I went about my evening without a second thought.
Towards the end of my baseball game I got this ominous text message:
This text that I got on my work phone, which left me to wonder what is up. Here’s the flurry of thoughts that crossed my mind after receiving this message:
  • Has she been knocked out cold this whole time?
  • Did she crash again?
  • Was she brutally injured by a pack of clown ninjas?
  • Should I mention that the guys want to go out for some beers afterwards?
I’m sure more meaningful and meaningless thoughts crossed my mind. I quickly answer her text with a text of my own that said something like: “what wounds” which came back with the response, “the ones from my bike crash earlier”.
I am now worried and curious at this proposition. Is she really hurt? The crash had occurred hours ago, so it is very likely that the wounds are healing already. If they are not already healing, I had to quickly imagine the worst case scenario situation that could have caused her to be still in need of wound dressing five hours after in the injury.
This is where the theatrics of our relationship really take off. When either of us are hurt, sick, or pissy, we both tend to exaggerate to epic proportions. So being a veteran that I am, I quickly imagined her laying in the grass, with one limb completely severed, another one bleeding, the flowers wilted, birds falling from the sky, a thunderstorm and obviously the tree has to spontaneously combust.
Coming out of that thought, I would have been mostly worried about her staining her BSB t-shirt which no doubt cost $75 at the concert when she theoretically bought it in my little fantasy story here. Followed by the leg being cut off.
Surprisingly enough the texts we exchanged until I eventually left my completed baseball game to come home did not disprove my worst fears. In fact I do believe she got more hurt as time went on.
Imagine my horror and surprise when I walked back in the door to our apartment, seeing her laying out he couch with a big sad face. Her sad face lead to her finger pointing to her knee and ankle which had almost identical “wounds”.
To her dismay, I elected not to dress her “wounds” as they were already healing and cleaned. This did not make her very happy, but she did end up surviving some how. I love my wife more than anything, I told her about the dramatics, and we shared a good laugh.
Then she said her leg hurt so bad it was pretty much going to fall off….welcome to our lives!
*If your mind wasn’t totally blown by this point, feel free to send me hate mail.