i’ll take you back.

last week, my Mom and i primed and painted our lower level {sneak peek coming soon!}. while i was touching up the edging on the walls, i had sweet Q downstairs with me {yay for Natura no-VOC paint by Benjamin Moore!}. my iPhone was blaring out some of my favorite tunes while i worked, which seemed to please both Q and i, so i let the music shuffle through without a second thought.

then, a song came on that i hold super-close to my heart – Jeremy Camp’s “Take You Back.” Take a listen here.

when the opening notes of the song began to play, my heart swelled – i’ve been chasing after God’s heart off and on throughout the past decade of my life, yet i’ve never felt closer to God since becoming a mother. i even wrote the following in sweet Q’s birth story:

I know that people always say this about childbirth, and about children in general, but it became clear to me, as my eyes met yours for the first time, that I have experienced two distinct moments in my life in which I truly saw God, in which I could feel His presence at the helm of my life, and both resulted in the birth of a beautiful boy. While I have long loved God as someone in great need of grace, I realized that never before in my life – not during times of worship, not in moments of stress, of grief, of complete joy or utter sadness – have I so intimately felt God’s hands around mine, and around those of my children, than in the moments in which you and your brother were born. Oh, to feel His love realized in the form of a baby, my baby; yes, as I looked at your sweet face and promised you the best of me – to be for you, and for your brother too, an indestructible, endless net of love and faithfulness, ever positioned so that I will always catch you – I was able to glimpse how immense our Father’s love is for us.

and as the lyrics of “Take You Back” washed over me for the billionth time {i’ve seen Jeremy Camp in concert three times, and each has been a wonderful, worship-filled experience}, my eyes fluttered, holding back tears, and my hands tingled. i set down my paintbrush and reached for my sweet baby, just nine weeks old. as i clutched his dear eight-pound-body to my chest, feeling his breaths wisp in and out, two or three for him in measure to mine, these lyrics struck me anew, on this, the billionth time that i heard them.

for this time, as i listened ever-closely to the lyrics of this oh-so-special song, as my body danced and swayed to the music with dear Q in my arms, i was struck, over and over again, by the immense love of our Father God, and how each day, i strive to show my love for my sweet sons – my Lionel and my Quincy – according to His great example:

I’ll take you back always
And even when your fight is over now
Even when your fight is over now
I’ll take you back always
And even when the pain is coming through
Even when the pain is coming through
I’ll take you back

for this is the promise that i have made to each of my boys – despite your mistakes, because of your mistakes, i’ll always be your Mama, and i’ll always take you back; even when you feel that there’s no where or no one to turn to, even when pain strikes your heart so deeply, your Mama will always be here, will always be your safety net – and through the strength of God, i hope to keep this promise.

and this, oh, this part of the song – it’s the song of my heart, for it’s exactly the prayer that i lift up to God each night as i give thanks for this life, for my life, and especially for my two wonderful sons:

I can only speak
With a grateful heart
As I’m pierced by this gift
Of your love

I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

oh Lord, that you may take these boys’ lives and hold them close, and that you may strengthen them each day to live their lives in You.


About Sara

Sara works in higher education, but she's most proud of her role as a Mama to two precocious boys, Lionel Conner, age 4, and Quincy August, age 2. In honor of turning 30 in 2016, she pierced her nose to "keep her young." She loves watching guilty-pleasure television, writing about motherhood, decorating her first home, sipping red wine with her husband Jordan, and chasing after her sons.

One Response to i’ll take you back.

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