There’s nothing quite like watching your husband be Daddy for the very first time.
Watching as he holds the best thing you’ve ever done together in his arms so carefully that your heart breaks a little imagining what he’s feeling on the inside as he cuddles his very first little.
When he drives to your university to pick you up from class – during which you read verses of Shakespeare written about fathers and lovers who don’t value their partners enough, and, who you realize do not care for their wives nearly as much as he treasures you – and you can instantly tell that his heart is wrenched, his mood has soured, all because he couldn’t figure out the precise order of ingredients for the recipe you affectionately title, “How to Soothe a Teething, Cranky Baby.”
Hearing various sound effects emanating from the living room couch while you’re folding laundry, and when you finally close that last drawer, fold that last pair of socks, you listen a little closer, and the gurgles and babbles and rumblings that you hear aren’t just your husband – they are blessed sounds that your child makes, trying to echo, to imitate his Daddy.
Placing tonight’s attire – a pair of puppy-dog pajamas – on the bed and hearing him exclaim, “Brand new jammies tonight?” Knowing, without me saying a word, that these are new jammies that have sat in drawer no. 4 since before L was born, just waiting for our little son to grow into them.
Listening to him as he says words that you cherish, that tickle your heartstrings: “You’re an amazing mother.”
Going without his favorite beer, dinner dates, vacations big and small, and purchasing new video games – knowing full well that headphones and XBox controllers are the way that he connects to his friends, the pals he doesn’t see as often anymore, because he has a family now – so that you can stay home and raise your child for the first year of his life, and never thinking twice about it.
Writing your beloved son’s birth story, and watching your husband read each word, each passage, and his eyes grow watery and a dreamy smile grows on his face, attempting to conceal the birth experience that, for all three of us, was steeped in such heightened, blessed emotion.
His smile when you, his wife, tell him that this, staying home with our son, is the happiest you’ve ever been in your entire life.
The way that his voice grows more and more alive at the idea of having more children, knowing full well that our budget’s stretched to the limit, but knowing, even more so, that we’ll find a way – because having littles of our own is so, so worth it.
Realizing that even though you thought your love for him had reached its cap on the day he held your hands as you exchanged vows more than two years ago, your love and appreciation for him spanned new depths and breadths on the day that your son announced his arrival into your world with his first cry. For witnessing the moment that your beloved becomes a father has no comparison.