When to buy, when to build, when to create.

Last Friday, Sara and I almost came to blows over a difference in opinions while “shopping” at Target. My beautiful wife was set on letting out some of the pressure that she feels in anticipation of moving in two weeks, and she wanted to do so by buying a few items to put in our new house. I was in support of her getting what she wanted, but not quite in the spirit of participating in how she had anticipated. I had thought she would buy the couple of things she really wanted and that we’d be done with it. But with every one of her inquiries of my opinion, she got rebuffed in a way that she did not appreciate.

For this, I feel pretty bad, but there were several good and even more bad reasons for my gruff disposition that day. First and foremost, we had just finished moving all of our stuff out of our apartment a few weeks ago. We then split our stuff between storage and her parents’ home. This process was traumatic in ways and like in any move, things are prone to getting harmed during the transition. With that still clearly burned in my mind, why would I want to buy new stuff, only to move it in a couple weeks where it may or may not be damaged in another accident (careful or not)? Sure, it would be just a few more items, but if they were to get scratched, broken, or otherwise, not only would Sara be upset, but I would also be, as I viewed these additions to our stuff as unnecessary at this point in our move.

This reason, however, was not good enough for Sara. As she continued to plead for my opinion on various items, I could not help but express my lack of vision for our new home. Sara was describing her plans and they all sounded good, but (here is reason #2): I wanted to see our house with our things in it first before adding to our collection of stuff.

This day was not over yet, as I had a third reason for not being a super husband. While we strolled around Target, I claimed that I wanted to build everything she picked out. Now this is true – I would rather build an end table, a console table, a bench, etc. and give it my best shot for various projects, especially since some of these pieces looked extremely simple in structure and I could already envision the plans and pieces necessary to recreate these objects. However, I came to the conclusion that Sara is right in this instance, as some things are probably just “buy candidates” because we cannot build everything, and we do have to fill out house in some ways. Plus, while I have no short supply of motivation to build things, I am a building rookie, which both concerned and frustrated my wife, who was already sure of what she wanted for our home when it came to end tables and whatnot.

As our shopping trip came to a close, the lesson I took home is one that I know well enough already: I need to stay out of Sara’s way, I need to play along and be in a good mood while shopping, and I should trust her judgement in all cases of house decor. While I see merit in all three of my objections, I do understand now that the intent was not to spend a thousand dollars in order to fill our house quickly with various objects in Target that we may or may not need. She was focused on a very specific items that she knew she wanted to purchase. Life as a husband is full of hard lessons that often seem to get repeated.

Soon I see that we will be going back to Target, my new mindset engaged and ready to participate in a way that she needs me to. And believe it or not, I’m actually kind of excited.

{Image via Target}

About Jord

jord considers himself nerdy, mostly because he's a devoted gamer and freelance web designer. he works in computer technology and information services, but he'd be most proud to tell you that he recently built himself a computer, loves audio books, trying new beer and wine, grilling, and is so excited to have added "homeowner" to his list of titles.

3 Responses to When to buy, when to build, when to create.

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